


Imperfect

by Donovanspen



Series: Whumptober 2019 [15]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Injured Alec Lightwood, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Protective Magnus Bane, Whumptober 2019, mild description of violence, prompt: scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 15:30:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21273473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donovanspen/pseuds/Donovanspen
Summary: He hated the scars and wanted them gone since the first time the blade tore his skin. He didn’t know why he was hesitating now.





	Imperfect

Alec stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Over the past week, he had done his best to avoid any reflective surface that would provide a visible reminder of the torture he had endured. Three, puffy red scars ran diagonally along the left side of his face down towards his neck, a cruel keepsake from his assailant. The Circle member was now dead, but the world could still see his message.

Alec could still feel the pain as if it had never stopped. A twinge in his healed shoulder reminded him of how it felt when it was dislocated. A morning stretch made him think of cramped muscles as he had huddled into himself to minimize areas exposed to brutal punches and kicks. But the blade to the face was probably the worst in terms of pain and its constant presence.

“Alexander? Are you ready?” Magnus called from the bedroom.

Alec pulled himself away from the mirror and joined Magnus in the other room.

“Everything ok?” Magnus asked as Alec got situated on the bed, propped up on pillows and leaning back against the headboard.

“Yeah. I’m good.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow but didn’t press the issue. “Ok, then. If you’re ready….”

Alec nodded. They had been doing these treatments since he’d managed to escape. The scars wouldn’t fade on their own, but Magnus had a medicinal remedy that would help them to fade over time. ‘A little magic, a little medicine, and a lot of love’ he would say when they first started.

Magnus picked up the cotton-tipped applicator and dipped it into the warm gel. He was about to start applying it to the first scar when Alec flinched away.

“Easy, my love. Remember, it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“I know,” Alec said, embarrassment making his voice a bit harsh.

Magnus frowned and returned the applicator to the bowl. He reached down and took one of Alec’s hands in his own. “What’s wrong?”

Alec shrugged and shook his head. Usually he could push his emotions down and move on, but it was harder to do with Magnus. He’d avoided talking about what had happened because he knew Magnus would be able to get him to open up and shine lights into the dark places. And crying was out of the question. The medicine didn’t hurt but salty tears on the tender scars hurt like a bitch.

“I just need a minute.”

“Take as much time as you need. If you want to talk, you know I’ll listen.”

Magnus always listened. That’s another thing that made Alec feel so horrible. He always knew Magnus would listen and never judge him, but he still found it easier to bottle things up, and that was so unfair to Magnus.

“Do you…do you mind them?” Alec asked, his eyes focused on his lap, unable to look at Magnus as he asked the question he already knew the answer to but had to hear anyway.

Magnus let go of his hand and crawled over him and settled himself next to Alec up along the headboard. He raised his arm and waited for Alec to shift over and cuddle up against his chest before wrapping that arm tightly around him. They both had their comfort positions, and this was Alec’s. It was another unspoken habit that had developed between them. When one was feeling the need, they would cuddle up in their respective positions, no questions asked.

“I have mixed feelings about the scars. I see them, and I remember how helpless I felt when you were missing. I think of the pain that you endured, and how much you suffered. But I also see them as a mark of the warrior that you are. Your captor sought to hurt you and leave you with a brand, but you are alive and with loved ones while he’s locked away for life. It is not his choice whether you keep these scars but yours. When I look at you, I feel nothing but love, and that love only grows with each passing day. I desire you as much now as I ever did, and our sexual intimacy will resume as soon as you feel you have sufficiently recovered. It’s your choice, Alexander. I will love and desire you whatever you decide.”

Alec blinked hard, hoping the tears wouldn’t fall, but still needed to dab at his eyes. “A simple ‘no’ would have worked,” he choked out. “You didn’t have to make me cry.”

Magnus laughed and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “You know me. Didn’t want to take the chance that you might misinterpret what I was saying.”

“Do you think I’m vain for wanting them gone?”

“No. You’re allowed to have mixed feelings, Alexander, but ultimately, the decision is yours. For whatever reason. You don’t have to answer to anyone.”

Alec pressed his head closer to Magnus’s chest and let the sound of his heartbeat soothe his churning emotions. He hated the scars and wanted them gone since the first time the blade tore his skin. He didn’t know why he was hesitating now.

Magnus shifted his arm up and began running his fingers through Alec’s hair while humming a soft melody.

“I want them gone,” Alec whispered.

“Ok,” Magnus replied, equally as soft.

“In a minute, though.”

Magnus’s response was another kiss to his forehead as he continued his humming.


End file.
